Chronicling LePage’s Absurdities

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Gov. Paul LePage is trying to out-malarkey the Southern Republicans, and he’s doing a damn fine job at it.

Where has Gov. Paul LePage (R-ME) been all my life? Where have Republicans been hiding this gem of a man? Oh, that’s right. He’s been in the frozen north. So let’s get up to speed on Paul LePage.

1)LePage’s parents are French-Canadian. Is every far-right Republican secretly Canadian? His first language is French…I mean, Freedom. He speaks fluent Freedom.

2)He suggested that after being elected Governor, newspaper headlines would read, “LePage Tells Obama To Go To Hell”.  So, you see he has the required amount of respect for the office of The President: none.

3)He hired his daughter as assistant to his chief-of-staff. She makes $41,000/year plus benefits. School teachers in Maine make $30,000 and police officers make $36,000. Then, he hired his brother-in-law to do God knows what.

4)He proposed lifting the ban on BPA (dangerous chemical in plastics), because regulating stuff is communist. I think that was the rationale. Then he said this, “The only thing that I’ve heard is if you take a plastic bottle and put it in the microwave and you heat it up, it gives off a chemical similar to estrogen. So the worst case is some women may have little beards….and we don’t want that.”

5)He said this IRS is the “new gestapo”. Meh. Comparing the Obama Administration to the Third Reich is soooo 2011. “He’s a racist” is the new attack line; get on board, Paul.

6)”Gov. Paul LePage told a group of Republicans last week that President Obama “hates white people,” according to two state lawmakers who say they heard the remark directly.” There we go: Jews and Blacks, that train is never late. Let me elaborate, LePage claims that Pres. Obama never discusses his multi-racial heritage because he hates white people. I presume he means white people such as his mother.

7)And to round off the Republican Ass-hattery, we have *drum roll* a rape reference. “LePage stated that Sen. Jackson ‘claims to be for the people but he’s the first one to give it to the people without providing Vaseline”.  I think what we’re supposed to infer from this is that Gov. LePage is going to rape you (politically) but he’s going to at least lube up (politically).

8) “On August 9, 2013, while using an F-35 Lightning II simulator at the Pratt & Whitney aircraft engine plant in North Berwick, LePage was asked what he wanted to do in the simulator; he stated ‘I want to find the Portland Press Herald building and blow it up.” …Cause all that reading and carrying on ain’t fer the good white folks of Maine. I bet Obama reads newspapers, so LePage has to be against them.

Is this what it would be like to have Rush Limbaugh as a governor? Does he require his female staffers to keep a photo on file? Does he keep those photos in a binder?

Photo/ Associated Press

No, I’m serious. This is happening.

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