Sen. Lex Luthor Offers Small-Government Solutions to Illegal Aliens

president-lex-luthor

Only one man knows what it takes to stop the influx of illegal aliens. That man is the senior senator from wherever the hell Metropolis is.

Alexander “Lex” Luthor was elected to the U.S. Senate for the State of Ne..Ka..*mumble, mumble* in 2012. Senator Luthor is a passionate fighter for government small enough to fit in a woman’s uterus, fighting for the rights of billionaires, and destroying illegal aliens. Despite never holding elected office, his victory in both the Republican primary and the general election has been hailed by the Washington Post as “the biggest upset of 2012 . . . a true grassroots victory against very long odds.”

Lex graduated magna cum laude from Metropolis University, magna cum laude from Harvard Law School, magna cum laude from Harvard Business School, magna cum laude from Massachusetts Institute of Technology, magna cum laude from Cambridge University, and magna cum laude from Oxford University.

As a partner at a prestigious national law firm, he led the firm’s U.S. Supreme Court and national Appellate Litigation practice. He has authored more than 80 U.S. Supreme Court briefs and argued 43 cases, including nine before the U.S. Supreme Court, arguing for the deportation of all illegal aliens. From 2004-2009, he taught U.S. Supreme Court Litigation as an Adjunct Professor of Law at the Metropolis University School of Law.

Lex Luthor was born and raised in the poverty stricken area of Metropolis known as Suicide Slums, the child of abusive parents, with a fierce desire to better himself. As a teenager, young Lex’s parents died mysteriously, making Lex the beneficiary of large life insurance policy he had taken out in their names, and went on to found his own company Lexcorp.

“I am against amnesty for illegal aliens. We need to strongly enforce the immigration laws that already exist.”

“How can we protect homeland security unless the government stops the invasion of illegal aliens?

“We should not be talking about any kind of pathway to citizenship if we were serious about solving the problem of illegal immigration. … We should only be talking about securing our borders,”

“These illegal aliens are criminals and we need to treat them as such. I’m not in favor of giving amnesty to anybody who has broken the law.”

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